So I just got really insecure about yet another ridiculous thing. I was singing One Direction, and my voice is higher than theirs. Dumb, yes. Does that change the fact that it hurts me? Not one bit. In fact, it may make it worse, to know that 1. I'm upset because my voice is too feminine and 2. I'm upset about something dumb. And then the cycle will turn a bit, and I'll think of all the other minute things that upset me, then the major ones, and then I'll start hating on myself for how un-masculine I am.
And, like right now, I'll start to think that nobody will ever be able to see me the way that I see myself.
But that's not true. Because I know it'll happen, because I know I'll make it happen.
I've been frustrating myself with tantalizing daydreams, because I can taste it, because for some reason I seem to think that my next step is really near. At the same time, this heightens my enthusiasm and self-esteem and my dysphoria as well.
I can't win, because there'll always be something stupid in the back of my mind to hate myself for.
But at the same time, I'm not going down, because I'm so close.
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