Confidence and Happiness and Cuddling

So I've been feeling a lot better recently. I've been going to see a counselor who (I think) is only making me feel worse; she's making me feel uncomfortable and I don't like that, but I'm sticking with her until I can figure out what I need to do/who I really need to see to get myself some hormones.

But I've become a much happier person than the one I was a year ago. I can talk about things that even a few months ago would have mortified me to speak of aloud; I can talk freely about being attracted to a woman I see whereas before I would disregard anything I felt because I "just couldn't do it."

My relationships with my friends are all better--my closest friend had me worried for a while; we would fight a lot and it would consume a lot of my time stressing about what was wrong. But we've moved past it, and we're connecting again smoothly, which always makes me happy because he's so important to me.

My relationship with my mom, though: that's worse than ever. She wants me to be this cute little girl, and I am none of those things, but she doesn't seem to understand. The other day she said I'd "stop thinking I was a boy" if I took pills for bipolar! I've never heard something that made so little sense, but I should expect it from her. She's also been bugging me every second of every day that I need to be at work. I have a job, and I do work for her boss on the side, so it's like I'm working two part-time jobs. Along with taking a class that needs three hours of work a day (even for me, sadly). I understand I owe her money, but it's not like I'm going anywhere. She'll get her damn money.

I was exercising with my best friend earlier tonight. It was something I hadn't experienced in a while, and, surprisingly, it was relaxing. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but if it can be nice like that and provide results, then I'll be ecstatic.

All I can keep thinking about this moment is how I want someone to snuggle up to me, and fall asleep with me. It would be a perfect ending to a nice night. It just sucks that my someone doesn't exist in reality, and I have to imagine him there, rather than feel someone physically with me.

Even if I am feeling happier, having healthier relationships with my friends, dating is still out of the question. Not yet.